Nos mus amitto vivo en
by Sarnedhiel
Summary: Yes, another girl falls into ME. Yes, probably a MS. Yes, technically a crossover. Yes, it's been done to death. This is my story of what happened to Ashley after she got written out of Sanctuary.
1. Chapter 1: The End

Disclaimer: I do not own Sanctuary or the Lord of the Rings.  
I am playing with them, but will put them back later, I promise!

Chapter 1 The End

She was standing in the sitting room of her childhood home.

It was as if she couldn't move, couldn't talk, could do nothing except think.

Problem was, her body was still moving around, fighting….. fighting her friends and family, which she didn't feel particularly happy about. She felt even less happy about remembering the people she'd already killed. People she'd known her entire life.

Why had her body done that?

No, why had she done that?

No, why had her body done that?

She found it very hard to think of the one who hurt and was hurting her family as herself. Somewhere, in the far reaches at the back of her mind, there was a reason to be found for all of this.

Of course, when she thought she might have found it, she got distracted by the fact that her biological father, Druitt, was trying to skewer her with swords. Swords? Really? What was he doing here anyway? He had no business here; her mother had made that sufficiently clear. He turned his attention to the others, fighting side-by-side with her, who she'd only now noticed. While dodging Druitt, the others looked her in the eyes and she heard, no SAW, their plan. She would go to the mainframe to disable all the security and they would lure Druitt after them.

She turned and headed for the basement, while the others distracted Druitt and ran away from her. She looked back once, to make sure he wasn't following her. When she saw he wasn't she quickly reached the mainframe and put the EM-emitter on it. She pressed the button that would send the pulse and made for the main hall. She saw herself smirk in a reflection, apparently her body thought it was all too easy.

Of course, this was when Tesla stepped in. Without even a hint of a sarcastic comment, which was odd, but she cheered him on all the same. He ripped an electric wire from the wall and started to use the electricity to attack her. Strangely, it didn't seem to hurt her, even though she knew she could very well die.

Hang on, she should have died by now, there was no way a human body could survive this!

Yet, she kept walking towards him, raising her hand, which seemed to look more like a claw, to strike him down. He said: '' Okay, now I'm a little impressed.'', stepped back and closed the fire door. She was glad he survived, but also a little peeved he hadn't been able to do more to stop her.

Of course, her body knew this place just as well as she did and simply used another route to get to the main hall. When she got there, the others hadn't arrived yet. She was sure they'd be here soon. She turned when she heard someone walk behind her, expecting one of the others. What she didn't expect, was exactly what happened: her mother was walking towards her, with a strange-looking gun in her hand and a grim determination on her face.

Just seeing her mother again made her body sing with joy. For a moment she could feel how much everything hurt and how tired she was. Unfortunately, before she realised she was back in control over her own body, the feeling disappeared and so did the control. Her body then committed the worst betrayal against her so far.

It started to attack her mother.

The shock this caused her was enough to make her mind numb for a while.

When she next looked, her mother was on the ground, with a slash across her arm. She realised her own nails were dripping with blood. She was so disgusted with herself, she almost didn't hear what her mother was saying. "You used to come into my room at night, saying: ''Mommy, I'm afraid.'' Well Ashley, I'm afraid.'' While she said this, she dropped the gun to the side and looked at her daughter was a sad smile. That smile disappeared when her daughter made to attack her again.

Everything went grey, then white and eventually blue. When she looked up, she felt everything hurt. Her face hurt the most. She felt at her face and only then realised she was back in control. This time, it seemed to be permanent. She went back to checking her face, finding no wounds, but a rather large amount of gunpowder. 'Did someone shoot a rocket into my face?' she thought angrily. She managed to get up, looking around her.

One of the others had made it to the main hall after all. This one, too, seemed hell-bent on killing her mother. Without thinking she moved to protect her mother. She grabbed the other by the arm, stopping her attempt to give her mother a second belly button.

She remembered she was now able to teleport, thanks to….. she couldn't remember who to thank, or curse, for what she had become. But she also knew that her mother must know as well. Which meant they had put up an EM-shield, preventing anyone who did not like to be scattered into atoms from teleporting. She didn't mind that, though. It was the only way she could think of that would wipe away the shame and remorse she felt and protect her mother at the same time. She whispered ''Mom'' and teleported into nothingness.

* * *

well, here's the first half of the rewrite of the first chapter of Nos mus amitto vivo en.

I really hadn't meant to put it up yet before, so that was kinda stupid XD.

Please, do leave a review, even if the best you have to say is: hate it, you couldn't write a story to save your life. If you have something better to say... YAAY!

I'll shut up now and let you get back to what you were doing.


	2. Chapter 2: The End, Again?

Chapter 2 The End, Again?

Light filtered through her closed eyelids, giving her world a rosy glow. That meant a few things, but most importantly, it meant she hadn't died. She kept her eyes closed, hoping she might still die.

Alas, it was not to be. She heard someone move around her. Then she thought she smelled pines and a fire. Ashley slowly opened her eyes. She was facing upwards towards a canopy of pines. The sun was shining right into her face, warming it. She focused on the smell of the trees and the fire, doing her utter best not to think about how much it hurt to be alive.

Because she was. Undoubtedly and undeniably alive. She hadn't died. 'Well, fuck', she thought. Mindful of the one moving about she didn't say anything aloud, though she would have liked to scream his or her ears of.

She rolled onto her side very slowly and very carefully, knowing her body must be sore after everything that happened. Surprisingly, it wasn't. She wasn't even a little tired.

At the same time, she heard a male voice say something in a language she didn't understand. And the voice… it sounded like bells chiming, yet undeniably male. Was that even possible? This dude had to have some sort of tumour on his vocal cords or something. '' What?'' she asked, kicking herself for her very eloquent and well-mannered response. '' I said, don't move.'' The voice said. She ignored him and sat up, turning her head to look at him.

She swayed a little, before she caught herself on her hands. She'd moved too fast. She usually didn't get dizzy from sitting up too fast, so she must have been knocked out for a while. She heard the rustling of someone kneeling down next to her and heard him chuckle softly. ''Didn't I just tell you not to move?''. She looked at him through the curtain of blond hair that fell in her face.

All thought fled from her for a second, before she realized that if she wanted to be able to do anything other than stare and drool, she had to look at him as if he were an Abnormal. In other words, she had to think of him as a poor, misguided creature in need of help. So, she did what she would have done, had he actually needed any help. She looked at him, carefully examining his body for any hidden wounds or broken bones. Unfortunately, that only caused her to see the way his slim, yet muscular form moved as he paced around the clearing they were in, which caused her mouth to drop open.

If she'd been looking at his face, she would have noticed the reluctantly proud smile on his face. When she eventually reached his face, which encased the most beautiful eyes she'd seen in a long time, she was very grateful she didn't blush as easily as she used to anymore. "You've never seen an Elf before, have you?" he asked in that weird, yet beautiful voice of his. This made her jaw drop even lower. "Elf?" she asked incredulously. "As much as I'd like to correct your rather rude attitude, we had best get moving" he said and just like that, he took off like an arrow from a bow.

"I thought I wasn't allowed to move!" she shouted after him. "And you could have told me your name" she muttered to herself. Shakily, she managed to get to her feet and stumbled in the direction he's moved off in. He was always just within sight, glancing back every now and again to check on her.

It wasn't before long, though, that she couldn't see him anymore. "Wait up" she panted as loudly as she could, hoping he'd hear her, hoping he'd stop. She had no way of knowing if he'd done either and she didn't even know if she was still on his trail. She couldn't track where he'd gone, which was bad news for her.

Very bad news, she concluded as she ran around a big tree-trunk and straight into a hairy wall.

A moving, hairy wall.

With eight legs.

And a head with eight eyes.

And a jaw with pincers she wanted to stay as far away from as humanly possible.

And it stank, horribly. How on earth did a spider manage to smell that bad? Scratch that how did a spider manage to grow that big?

'Not helping, Ashley, focus, dammit!' she thought angrily and spun around, hoping to run back to where she came from. Only, there were spiders there now as well. She was completely surrounded. 'This is bad, this is very bad' she thought, whilst preparing for the worst. Any second now, they'd start attacking and trying to rip her into pieces.

"Whatsssss zisssss?" she heard someone hiss. No, not someone, something. Her stomach sank to the soles of her feet as she realized it was a spider that had hissed this at her. "Umm….. I just... I'm leaving, goodbye" she stammered while trying to leave them behind. "I don't zink sssso" another spider hissed. After that, everything became a blur of legs and fangs.

She was able to hit a few in the eyes, causing them to fall back, but they were immediately replaced by their kin. They were coming closer and closer to her, tearing at her clothes by now. "Ssssshe will keeps uss fed for a long time" the first spider that had spoken said. One of them managed to hook a leg under hers and trip her up.

She fell down and hit her head on the tree she had been backing towards. The last thing she saw before everything went black was the first spider coming towards her, preparing to sting her and tear her to pieces.

* * *

Well, that was chapter 2!

No reviews :(

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So just hit the little button for me, I know you want to :)


	3. Chapter 3: A Loudly Shining Future

Chapter 3 A Loudly Shining Future

She woke up in a pure white hall. 'I'd better not make a habit outta this' she thought as she slowly got to her feet. Feet she was amazed to still possess. She shivered, which caused her to realise she was naked. This made her feel very exposed, which always left her rather crabby.

She hugged herself to keep warm and looked around. Before, she'd thought she was in a hall, but she now realised this place was too big to be just a hall. There seemed to be no end to this place! Everything was white and shiny. It made her feel as if she was somehow soiling this place, simply by being there. Everything looked so pristine, so... not her.

At the same time, this place made her snort in derision. All her life, she hadn't believed in the stories people with near-death experiences had been telling for centuries. "A white light? Come on!" she'd said to the few people that had shared such experiences with her. And now... Well, this was either very ironic or karma proving she was indeed a bitch.

Deciding there was no point in wandering around aimlessly, she sat down and hugged her legs to her chest, to keep herself warm. She felt as if she was being watched, but couldn't sense anyone or anything anywhere near her. That used to mean she was safe, but she hadn't noticed the spiders either, while they sure as hell made enough noise and smelled bad enough for her to have noticed them under normal circumstances. Which it weren't, apparently.

While she pondered on this, she hummed 'Smells Like Teen Spirit' to herself to stop the deafening silence all around her, waiting for anything, something, to change.

She had gone through the entire song at least 6 times and was just about to start singing it, when she noticed there was a less-than-blindingly-white spot right in front of her. Deciding that this was everything that was going to happen anytime soon, she got up and started to walk towards it.

She'd thought everything was quiet before, but it seemed to get even quieter with each step she took towards the spot. By now, her breath sounded like a shotgun being fired next to her ears.

A few more steps.

Now she could hear her heartbeat, beating faster from the pressure she felt on her ears.

Another step.

She could hear her blood rush through her veins.

A few more.

She could hear her tendons strain to keep her legs moving.

Another step.

She could hear her various muscle groups working together now.

A few more steps.

She wasn't even sure what was added now, but it was driving her crazy.

She knew that something had to change quickly, so she decided to hum to herself again. She took a deep breath...and almost screamed in agony as it sounded as if a bomb had gone off inside her mind. 'Okay, no humming then', she thought to herself.

Suddenly, all the noises stopped, but just as she was about to say a Hail Mary, it was replaced. The new... noise was unlike anything she'd ever heard. It seemed to scream and whisper to her at the same time, make her feel euphoric and depressed, vengeful and forgiving all at once.

She couldn't see any creature that could possibly be the source of all this. Yet, she started to hear a voice coming through the music. It spoke to her of things that were, things that are and things that not yet had come to pass. She thought the voice came from the spot, which had truly become a dark spot by now, but the voice warned her to stay away from it. "That spot is the stain of Melkor upon my Music" the voice said. "Your music?" she asked, a bit incredulously, thinking about the Phantom of the Opera in the back of her mind. "Yes, my Music", the voice said.

He then told her what the music was, what its purpose was and how it came to be. He told her it was his masterpiece, that he'd succeeded in this world, while he'd failed in hers and the one he was sending her to. It was all too much for her to take in, yet he did not seem to care, he kept talking on and on.

Eventually, he started to tell her why she was here. It wasn't an accident; he pulled her into this world. She wanted to ask why, but he told her she would find out soon enough. He was losing his patience apparently, because he seemed to talk faster and faster and answered her questions only with short sentences, whereas he used to talk in paragraphs.

He then told her that she was to live in what was called Greenwood the Great, wherever that may be and help some Harry Potter-wannabe called Radagast with his magick.

Before she could start to bitch about that, she suddenly was wearing a non-descript brown dress and standing in a cottage that had obviously seen better days.

There was an old man standing with his back to her. He seemed to be humming something while mixing herbs. She was about to ask who the hell he was and, more importantly, where the hell she was.

"You are in my cottage in Greenwood the Great, I am Radagast the Brown and you are Ashley Magnus, daughter of Helen Magnus and John Druitt." He said, without turning to face her. She opened her mouth and her rational mind shut down completely.

"Who the hell do you think you are, going through my mind without my permission, in some kind of degenerate cottage in the middle of nowhere, dressed like some kind of wacked-out Harry Potter wannabe and not even having the decency to look at me as you do so?" Screaming that caused her to pant slightly.

He turned to her and asked her: "Are you quite done?" 'For now' she thought, but merely glared at him. He sighed and said: ''Well, at least you're not as passive as was shown to me. I did not 'go through your mind', I was told about you by the Valar and Iluvátar himself. I was shown you in the beginning of time, I think Iluvátar explained some things about this world. At the same time, he explained to me what he wanted from me. He wanted me to take care of you, teach you how to survive.'' He turned around and looked her in the eyes for the first time, looking like she was a glass of water that he'd found after years in the desert. A million thoughts and questions bounced through her mind, but the one she blurted out was: "What if I don't want to?" He looked confused. "Don't want to what?" "Survive." He didn't have an answer to that question.

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Here's Chapter 3

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no reviews :(

I saw I had the anonymous reviews turned of, I fixed that.

It seems I get a follower for each chapter, so I'd better make it damn long XD

Be nice and leave a review :)

Update: YAAAY I finally got my first review! Thank you, Martijn =)


	4. Chapter 4: Nightmarishly Calm

Chapter 4 Nightmarishly Calm

She was back at her childhood home. Back in that state of not being in control.

She saw her friends and family beg her not to hurt them. Why weren't they fighting her? She realised they couldn't, because they cared about her.

That made everything so much worse.

She was now in the London Sanctuary. There were only two others with her in the dream, just like it had been back then. They were running to get to the mainframe.

Suddenly, the safety door behind her shut. This one wasn't remote controlled; someone had to physically put them down. She looked over to the button. Where there was a glaring lack of a person holding the button, yet the door was still going down.

She listened a little closer and suddenly she heard it: a fluttering heartbeat. Clara! She'd heard of the girl, but never met her. The invisible girl. Her dreamself found this particularly funny.

She started to laugh.

The heartbeat sped up.

She laughed louder.

She started to walk towards the button.

She could hear Clara try to suppress a sob.

She stopped laughing, in favour of grinning evilly.

She revelled in the feeling of knowing Clara's blood was running cold right now.

Clara was so scared that her concentration was slipping, parts of her were becoming visible.

Each part that got visible she wanted to hit, but not yet, this was way too much fun.

Finally she reached the button and completely ignored it.

Instead she studied the button.

Clara's hand on top of it was still invisible.

"Just make it quick"

She looked up, shocked that anyone who was associated with the Sanctuary would give up that quickly.

She was in fact so shocked, that she had snapped Clara's neck before she even knew it.

"Tut tut, that was absolutely no fun at all.." she said.

She had been living with Radagast for a long time now, she wasn't sure exactly how long. She hadn't aged at all, so she figured it was a few years at the most. It's funny how her perception of time had changed during this time; before every day would feel like a drag and never-ending, even though she had plenty of things to do and now she could be perfectly happy, relatively speaking, doing nothing all day.

He was away right now, there had been rumours about the old fortress and he decided to see if the dark magic came from there. This left her alone to tend to the wounded animals that had been streaming in lately. This also meant she could think for herself again for a while.

He never really gave her much time to think, always keeping her busy so she wouldn't get depressed again. At least, that was his reasoning. And it seemed to work. She was doing what she loved: taking care of the sick and wounded. She didn't really care whether it were human sick and wounded or not.

He had taught her many things about this world, how to light a fire without matches and so forth. In doing so, she'd found out a lot about the forest and the world it was in.

She was overjoyed by the fact that there were several humanoid species living mostly in peace next to each other. She wondered about the stories each race could tell her and for that sake alone, she decided to help Radagast; wizards were a race too, right? Wrong. She didn't quite understand, but from what he'd told her, she gathered that he was basically a demi-god. She didn't think he looked the part.

He hadn't told her much about the other races, only that there were dwarves, hobbits, elves, men, orcs and possibly ents around. She was very interested in all of them, but mostly in the men, she wanted to compare them with humanity as she knew it.

She had also learned to 'talk' to animals, as it were. She could somehow understand the mood they were in and what their attitude towards her and other creatures was. She'd had to find this out the scary way.

One day, Radagast asked her to go into a cave and simply wait there. He'd told her to sit down, close her eyes and relax. So she sat there for a while. It was unnerving, but she had learned to trust Radagast, so she stayed put. The sound of her breath was echoing off the walls of the cave and was getting louder and louder. It was also speeding up. Wait…why was the echo speeding up? She was still breathing evenly.

Suddenly, there was a warm fuzzy, living thing squirming in her lap. She opened her eyes in alarm and saw a bear cub happily playing with its sibling, which was lying at her feet. The mother warily entered and she could feel it didn't trust her; it wanted to keep her children away from her. Somehow, the animal seemed to understand that she wasn't going to hurt them and sat down, lazily lounging.

It was three hours later that the three of them finally left and Ashley walked back to Radagast's hut with shaking legs.

When she got back, he gave her some wine and simply smiled. That was his way of saying he was proud of her. He didn't talk much. Neither did she, she was still struggling inside with what had happened back home.

She was starting to find it harder to think of the place where all those bad things happened as home, but every time she thought about that, she felt guilty, because she grew up there and there were a lot of good memories as well.

But the nightmares got steadily worse.

Sometimes Radagast would give her some herbs before she fell asleep that would keep them away, but she didn't like them, because the nightmares were infinitely worse the night after.

* * *

I am terribly sorry it took this long to get a chapter this far below par out.

it just wouldn't work the way I wanted it to and I am very worried about graduating, I might not make it :(

So, please, tell me what you think and do yell my head off about being so tardy.


	5. Chapter 5: Far Too Many Dwarves

Chapter 5 Far Too Many Dwarves

Radagast had been gone for well over a week now and she was starting to wonder if he was ever coming back. She found herself unsure about what to hope for. On the one hand, he was all she knew in this world. On the other, she didn't feel entirely herself when he was near her. It was strange, almost as if he'd blocked the parts of her that felt guilty for what her body had done. Still, she thought life was easier when he was near, which in turn scared her, because she wasn't normally the type of person to take the easy way out.

Radagast came home sometime during the night. He woke her up just after dawn. "Hurry up, Ashley! We have to go." She sat up, looking around herself blearily. "Go where?" she asked. "We have to find Gandalf. I need to tell him something very important and you can no longer stay here." With that, he hurried back outside. She quickly changed into a dress and hurried after him. "And why can't I stay?" she asked. She stored the myriad of other questions away for later.

He pulled her onto the sled with him and the rabbits started to run. "They'll find Gandalf for us" he said. When she glared at him he finally answered her question: "Because there's a necromancer in the old fortress." As if she would flee from an unknown enemy, or any enemy for that matter. "So?" she asked "I'm not scared of him and he can't really hurt me." "No, but he can use your blood the same way the Cabal used the source blood. He can use you to corrupt others into merciless fighting machines. He can make them into what you had become."

He'd never said this much about what had happened to her before she arrived. He also had never been nearly this blunt about anything.

It caused her to remember a lot of the things she had suppressed automatically when he was around, the things that were niggling at the back of her mind when he wasn't around. The nightmare she'd had earlier was the first thing she remembered.

She froze, too caught up in her memories to take in the changing landscape and the dazzling speed at which they were travelling. She remembered, remembered the carnage the six of them had left behind. She remembered the London Sanctuary vividly. The way the main lab had burst into flames when the fire elemental was released, barely escaping seconds before they were engulfed in flames. The long-winded lecture Dana gave them after they had failed their objective. The video of the team that was sent to finish their job. Oh god, the way the halls once filled with peace and tranquillity, now filled with an ominous calm. The walls closing in on them even though it was just the video. Even monster-Ashley shuddered at the thought of going in there.

Her mind kept jumping back and forth through her time with the Cabal. Her mood was getting darker and darker. She was so absorbed in her dark musings, that when she turned to ask Radagast some things was the first time she noticed the fact that they had stopped and that Radagast was standing in front of her. A man was standing next to her, she assumed him to be Gandalf.

He seemed to be just an old man, with a long grey beard and ditto hair. He was wearing robes about five shades darker than his hair and a matching hat. The hat was something she would have expected on a witch, only not in grey, but in black. He was holding a gnarled stick in his hand, which was about the same height as her, maybe longer. He seemed to….ooze…power?….magic? It was impossible for her to describe, which was one of the reasons she was completely captivated by it.

She then noticed two things. Firstly, he was looking at her with a worried expression. Secondly, Radagast had just stopped waving his hand back and forth in front of her face.

"How very wonderful of you to join us." a deep voice from about chest height said. She looked down and saw what had to be a dwarf; she didn't think a Hobbit could look this threatening. He looked like he'd had a long life already, his face lined with worry and his eyes sharp. His hair was a very dark brown, almost black. He was holding an elven sword in his hands, which struck her as odd. His clothing was very warm for this area and she wondered if he wasn't feeling very hot because of it. He was wearing heavy boots. His leggings and tunic were very simple, but the tunic didn't cover the chainmail he was wearing underneath. He was also wearing a coat lined with fur. All of his attire was darkly coloured and austere looking.

As she noticed this though, her brain caught up with the sarcasm in his voice. "I had things to think about." she said in the iciest tone she could manage. He looked at her with something akin to respect in his eyes. "My lady, I am Thorin Oakenshield, at your service."

She assumed she should return that last bit in kind. She knew ceremony was a lot more important in this world, but she didn't know how to address him. "I am Ashley Magnus, at your service." she offered. Radagast beamed with pride, apparently that had been the right response. "Let me introduce you to my company: Kili, Fili, Biffur, Boffur, Bombur, Oin, Glóin, Ori, Nori, Dori, Dwalin, Balin and Bilbo." She immediately forgot half the names and the few she remembered didn't help, as none of the dwarves gave any response at their name being said. "At your service." most of them said at the same time. One of them came forward and shook her hand. "Bilbo Baggins, a pleasure to meet you." "Same here." she replied, noticing he wasn't a dwarf, but a hobbit.

"WARGS!" one of the dwarves yelled. "We have no ponies!" squealed another. She looked at Radagast for help, but he motioned for her to stay with Gandalf and rode off on his sled.

"Peachy" she muttered. "What now?" she asked in general.

* * *

Well, finally, here's the next one.

Thanks again to Stahlut for the review.  
I agree, it was rather short, but I was stuck on the end for a long time, it wouldn't go the way I wanted it to go.

I have finally updated my profile, so be sure to take a look there. :)

Also, no more high-school, WOOT!

Let me know what you think about both the chapter and the things I ask about on my profile, pretty please? *bats eyelashes*


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